I Saw the Cross - Jesus Paid it All
Please note above when clicking on small picture to the left you can download this poem

The following poems were written when I volunteered with the RCMP Victim Services Unit in Prince George BC. During the 17 years doing crisis intervention I remember so many heartbreaking stories. Many times I cried to God why does it have to be so. There were times I would wake startled and full of pain. It was during those times that I would get up in the middle of the night and cry out to God. In some despairing way I would sit at my computer to unburden my self of the things I heard. Some of the words were of my own pain trying to understand my Almighty Loving Father.

NOTE: Some of these poems based on real stories are graphic, please surrender each word to God.

Thank you Grandpa for the pencils

11:00pm
RCMP Victim service unit
The pager beeps piercingly
Call to dispatch

Sierra in progress.....suicide
What is your ETA
God help me
Mindless drive.......slippery roads

A Mother took her life
Hanging in the darkness of the basement
A scribbled note........I can't take it anymore
Three little ones asleep in one bed

A father who wasn't there to hear
Making daily rounds at the local bar
The house was locked.... silence she didn't hear
he kicked in the door
Honey I'm home.......no sound

That woman never there......I need a drink
Trevor, 13 years old...arrives
Where is Aunty he asks
Out drinking I suppose he says

Trevor roams the house....goes downstairs
Rushes up..... a silent scream
They drop their beer
He lifts her up........his buddy cuts the rope

911........much too late
Piercing screams.....heard blocks away
The little ones sleep on
She often threatened..... I never thought

I feel pity and anger mixed
In my heart I hear my own scream
Where were you when she so needed you
The almighty bottle to help them forget

3:30am............the garage door opens
Morning is near
I quietly crawl in beside her....she knows
She's is the best part of my life

A new day
Or just an extension of the old
The pager.......please be silent
Work...........to get through the day

Trying to forget.........Lord where are you
A shower to calm my nerves
Then a phone call
Thank you Grandpa for the pencils

The voice of a child....so trusting
Fathers..........LISTEN
You may never hear that voice again
Lord Jesus......come quickly

t.r.

Your Children Cry

God - The voices of your children cry out
In the shadows of the street pacing waiting
Memories of earlier life are haunting
Too painful to dwell on long
Who am I - once I knew love
So long ago it seems
Today I am used by those who seek pleasure
Just my body, my mind is not there
My mind wanders, Mom Dad are you there
To earlier days
Who will rescue me
Please don’t let me die
I do not speak
They say it is too late for them
I allow this to take place
I don’t want to hear
Deep down I hear their cries
Forgive me
The pain is deep
Too late
Please don’t let me die
t.r

Terror and Tears

Terror and tears rolled down her face

Sirens wailed

No I didn't want to die

No I don't want to die

Just his attention

I just wanted him to hold me

Instead he was angry, shouted

I just wanted to be loved

My Mother? She lives not too far

We haven't spoken for so long

My Dad you know, he did it too

15 that's how old I was

It's so easy, the knife is very sharp

Just his attention that's all I wanted

I was just 13, the first trick

I just closed my eyes real tight

A small whisper, Mom are you there

Is this the right kind of love?

A shower and I was clean

School, then the streets.... all alone

So many caring men

He loves his kids he says

A blur, they come and go

That white powder I was told

Helps you hang in there

Please.... love me

Stay with me to go through the night

Love is..........

Dad why did you have to die?

Tell me that you still love me

Caring hands, keep pressure on that vein

Their faces a blur through my tears

Am I going to............

I just want him to hold me

Love is...........

Is he there

He cares you know

18 months together

We did it, a baby inside me

Mom, are you and Daddy coming to see

Wailing sirens

I don't want to die

Through my own pain

I said, do you know

God thinks you are very special

t.r.

An Angel I will Send

When I cry
In pain and the hurt won’t let go
The past I live and cannot leave
I want to be free
Please someone hold me tight
The demons come and go
Why must I live like this
Is there a way out of this spinning hole
Those memories please set me free
I long for something more than this
A hug but who will give
Oh to feel once again
Something called love
Is that what I really want
To feel warmth a tender touch
Is that what love is all about
Is there a God who cares
Does he feel my pain
Once I thought I knew
Jesus loves me this I know
Who are you
Does he really love me so
I hurt so bad
My tears a misty haze
Once I heard
About a mother’s tender love
I thought I heard her voice
Did once you cuddle me
Jesus can you hug me
I want so bad to feel your touch
Don’t leave me too
I long to hear your tender voice
No one hears my cries but you
Please hold my hand and never let me go
I cannot stand if you leave me too
My child you are special
You belong to me
If no one else but I hear your cry
Deep in my heart I feel your pain
Once I was a child like you
Rejection I know that too
Please give it all to me
An Angel I have placed on your path
Someone to hold your hand
To dry your tears and help you heal
I will touch the very depth of you
You will be free because I paid it all
You have no debt to me
My love is what I give
So please my child I give it free
Thank you Jesus you have not forgotten
Please dry my tears
I give myself to you
That Angel do not forget
I can not do it on my own
Be still my child and Angel is on its way

WOW what a Savior

I look out to see

The rising sun in all its amazing beauty

To warm the earth and our hearts

Only to set again in all its glory

Then darkness comes

What do I remember, what did I do that day

Where were my thoughts – my heart

Where did I go in such a rush

Head down deep in thought I walk

Did I hear the cry of the child I just passed
That lady all her possessions on 4 tiny wheels
Did I speak to say hello

Did I smile and look into her eyes

Did I stop to give a hug

Did I lift my eyes to the hills

Where Jesus is found

When I wanted to hide from all the hurt and pain
Did I ask Him to hold me for a while

Did I take time to listen and feel His warmth

Did I fall on my knees and give Him my heart
Do I cling to my Father in heaven

Then a whispering voice deep in my soul

In silence I stop to listen

Ever so gentle a song of praise stirs my heart

It’s my Father who is calling me

Come take my hand we’ll walk together a while

We talk , so much I have say and to ask

Softly He tells me - I know, I have heard you my child

Give me all your cares and your heart
Each care, each thought I will touch
My heart rises in pure joy

To know that my Heavenly Father has never left me

With all my heart I thank you Jesus
Each morning when I wake let me be still

That I would hear your loving voice as you say

Come lets walk and do things together

Let’s skip, jump, love and laugh that others may see

That we belong together now and for eternity

Wow what a Savior

NOTE:
Some of these poems based on real stories are graphic, please surrender each word to God.

Finding God

I write this finding my self hurting, crying out to God for answers for a number of close friends who are struggling and/or face serious illness. I cry for those throw-away kids on the streets some of whom are used in prostitution. I cry for those who are abused and feel so alone. A close friend of mine when I asked her what her heart desires were, in part said it this way - "I want to be able to look into the eyes of a lady who has been beaten and tell her that she will be alright and have the ability to put her in a place that she will feel safe and learn to love God" cont. below........

I can’t find you God

Where are you
Everywhere I look
Nowhere to be found
I know you live in my heart
But that is so impersonal
Where are you really
I need to feel your presence
To touch you to make sure you’re real
Sickness strikes unexpectedly
I sense the hurt and pain
In the hearts of Moms and Dads and Children too
Many so alone
There are children on the streets
The empty hollow stares
No one to love them
Used
They try to forget what once was
I feel their pain
I try to forget
So busy no where to rest
Is there a safe place somewhere
So busy with what
They need you so I pray
You do not answer
Their faces show hopelessness
Their hurt is so deep
A safe place full of love
You are love Jesus
Please don’t forget them
Allow yourself to be found
My life means nothing without your love
A safe place I need to meet you
Away from work, home and the streets
Where can I find you so I feel safe
A place to kneel and cry
Pour out my pain
Your face I want to see
Please don’t forget me I hurt so bad
All I want is to love
Maybe someone who will love me a little too
I need to feel your touch so bad
Will it ever end tomorrow maybe
I shut my eyes but cannot sleep
Please help me through the night
Startled I awake
Nothing has changed
No safe place
I cry
Where will I go today
Please dear someone take my hand
My Child I know you’re hurt
Your pain is Mine
I placed your heart on the paths of many
They have not heard your cry
Forgive them they know not what they do
They pray but do not do
I call they do not hear
One day I will come and ask them why
I too am guilty dear God
Forgive me and teach me once again
A safe place they need with you and me
A place to kneel and cry and tell you that we hurt
t.r.

Another good friend knowing of my struggles lent me a book by Dr. Larry Crabb, titled "Finding God". Larry has a personal note which I would like to quote;

Let me tell you why I wrote this book. I have come to a place in my life where I need to know God better or I won't make it. Life at times has a way of throwing me into such blinding confusion and severe pain that I lose all hope. Joy is gone. Nothing encourages me.

Perhaps the most important lesson I learn as I go through dark seasons is this; there is no escape in this life from pain and problems. I can live obediently, practice spiritual disciplines , and claim my identity in Christ, but problems still continue.

More than anything else, I need a person to trust, someone who can give me hope, joy and peace in the midst of lie's unpredictable struggles. A plan to follow is not good enough. Applying biblical principles does not always make things happen as I want. Without someone to trust, I must either pretend things are better then they are or live to relieve the pain. And if neither denial nor efforts to relieve pain do the job, I will end my life through immorality or craziness or suicide.

The rhetoric we're all used to - "just trust the Lord, pray more, get counseling, follow God's plan more carefully" - must give way to the reality of finding God.

I wrote this book in response to the desperate cry of my heart to know God better. More than ever before, I am convinced that God yearns to be known by us far more than we want to know Him, and his great work in us to increase our passion for knowing him until it is stronger than all other passions. Developing that passion in our hearts is a long difficult process to which God is relentlessly committed. The way is hard, the road less traveled than others, but the journey is worth it.

God is immeasurable good, and He can be trusted.

Now I have to learn to put this into practice.
t.r.

Surrender all

Is it possible dear Father

To surrender everything I am to you

Cannot I just keep a part of me

I have so much to do

I want so much to fill myself to overflowing

I feel I have so much to give to you

Free me just a little bit

So that I could touch and feel

Then I would take control of every step

I will talk to you and give back what I’ve done

I know what I do is not always well thought out

At times my mind dwells on other things

Not always in what you will

Before I go to bed at night I ask and ask

To calm my heart and mind

I take little time to truly listen

Forgive me Lord I have so much to do

Then when I rise to morning light

I start the same day all over again

I heard your word to give my mind and thoughts

To give everything I am to you

So that every step I take is taken

With you walking by my side

How is it Father that I want to keep a piece of me

When you ask to enter every room in my heart

How come you want to control it all

That small room deep inside I want to keep

It is not so big and truly not so clean

Why is that you want to enter there

Do I need to surrender it all you say

Then I hear your voice

My Child what is that scares you so

Is that room beyond repair

I know there is a lot of stuff you use at times I know

Your thoughts are not always what I have in mind for you

So when you want to feel the pleasures of this world

Look upon the cross I did it all for you

Surrender every feeling and every desire

And put it at my feet

I will take your hurt and pain and make it mine

Surrender every care to me

My perfect love will guide you when times are hard

My perfect sight will keep you on my path

Stretch out your hand and I will take it

I will hold you in my arms

Precious Jesus I so much want to surrender every care to you

Enter that tiny room I kept you from

Clean it please

That I may surrender even that part of me

And give it all to you
t.r.

It does not belong to me

The weight I carry everyday
Does not belong to me
I see their faces, I feel their pain
Your children broken and alone
Its love they want but cannot find
Struggling Mom’s often so alone
You have heard their cries
Every day I want to fix it all
I cannot stand the pain
Then I hear your voice
My child why worry so
Release it all to me
I am Jesus
On the cross I paid it all
Surrender every care to me
Take a rest you can’t fix it all
That’s up to me
Do I hear you right
I don’t need to carry all this stuff
Yes, you must do and love those
Who have no one else
But you don’t need to do it all alone
At days end give it all to me
I will calm your spirit and your mind
Because you belong to me
There will be pain and hurt
I have not come to fix my world
I am the healer of the soul
I have come to love and save
Tell them I love them so
Thank you Jesus you have not forgotten
Any of your children
Now use me Lord
Give me love to give away
Then I give it all to you
t.r.

New Birth – New Beginning

I have an Avery with about 10 Canaries who wake us every morning with beautiful song.
Recently a baby chick was born. It was at a time that I was going through a difficult time and continually saw and felt the pain all around me of those who hurt so bad. It was shortly after that there was that urging of new beginnings, a new focus in my life. Not because I asked for it, but somewhat forced up on me by a God who cares so much for me.

When I look at this baby chick

And my God who created her

Once protected by its shell

Used all its strength to be free

A new birth a new beginning

To face a world of uncertainty

Cuddled underneath her mother’s wings

She keeps her warm feeds her daily

My world too has a new beginning

Not because I wanted to

It’s God who direct and walks before us

I do not always follow as He directs

Then at times through pain he reminds me

Picks me up and sets me free

Free from thinking I can do it all

I hear him say

Listen to those who love you

Another road I have prepared for you

Please spend time to talk to me

Above all listen to my voice

Those who you left behind

I will hear their cries

Give them up to me

I am Jesus who died for you and them

Learn from me

This world is mine I paid it all

I will calm your heart and fears

If you give it all to me
t.r.

A Thanksgiving Meditation

By John Piper November 19, 1998

Job 5:8-10

But as for me, I would seek God, And I would place my cause before God; Who does great and unsearchable things, Wonders without number. He gives rain on the earth, And sends water on the fields. Job 5:8-10

If you said to someone: "My God does great and unsearchable things; He does wonders without number," and they responded, "Really? Like what?" would you say, "Rain"?

When I read these verses recently I felt like I did when I heard the lyrics to a Sonny and Cher song in 1969: "I'd live for you. I'd die for you. I'd even climb the mountain high for you." Even? I would die for you. I would even climb a high mountain for you? The song was good for a joke. Or a good illustration of bad poetry. Not much else.

But Job is not joking. "God does great and unsearchable things, wonders without number." He gives rain on the earth." In Job's mind, rain really is one of the great, unsearchable wonders that God does. So when I read this a few weeks ago, I resolved not to treat it as meaningless pop musical lyrics. I decided to have a conversation with myself (= meditation).

Is rain a great and unsearchable wonder wrought by God? Picture yourself as a farmer in the Near East, far from any lake or stream. A few wells keep the family and animals supplied with water. But if the crops are to grow and the family is to be fed from month to month, water has to come on the fields from another source. From where?

Well, the sky. The sky? Water will come out of the clear blue sky? Well, not exactly. Water will have to be carried in the sky from the Mediterranean Sea, over several hundred miles and then be poured out from the sky onto the fields. Carried? How much does it weigh? Well, if one inch of rain falls on one square mile of farmland during the night, that would be 27,878,400 cubic feet of water, which is 206,300,160 gallons, which is 1,650,501,280 pounds of water.

That's heavy. So how does it get up in the sky and stay up there if it's so heavy? Well, it gets up there by evaporation. Really? That's a nice word. What's it mean? It means that the water sort of stops being water for a while so it can go up and not down. I see. Then how does it get down? Well, condensation happens. What's that? The water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide. That's small.

What about the salt? Salt? Yes, the Mediterranean Sea is salt water. That would kill the crops. What about the salt? Well, the salt has to be taken out. Oh. So the sky picks up a billion pounds of water from the sea and takes out the salt and then carries it for three hundred miles and then dumps it on the farm?

Well it doesn't dump it. If it dumped a billion pounds of water on the farm, the wheat would be crushed. So the sky dribbles the billion pounds water down in little drops. And they have to be big enough to fall for one mile or so without evaporating, and small enough to keep from crushing the wheat stalks.

How do all these microscopic specks of water that weigh a billion pounds get heavy enough to fall (if that's the way to ask the question)? Well, it's called coalescence. What's that? It means the specks of water start bumping into each other and join up and get bigger. And when they are big enough, they fall. Just like that? Well, not exactly, because they would just bounce off each other instead of joining up, if there were no electric field present. What? Never mind. Take my word for it.

I think, instead, I will just take Job's word for it. I still don't see why drops ever get to the ground, because if they start falling as soon as they are heavier than air, they would be too small not to evaporate on the way down, but if they wait to come down, what holds them up till they are big enough not to evaporate? Yes, I am sure there is a name for that too. But I am satisfied now that, by any name, this is a great and unsearchable thing that God has done. I think I should be thankful - lots more thankful than I am.

Grateful to God for the wonder of rain

Home - What is a GPS - God's Perfect Sight - Stars & Galaxies - Prints - Poems